Dating 101 After 50: Courting is Not Dead

Contrary to popular belief, courting is NOT dead. In fact, for mature, strong, independent women, THAT’s what we expect.

Why am I writing about this?

Honestly, dating over 50 is exhausting, not tiring, exhausting. I was just talking about this with a few friends over the last couple of weeks and since Valentine’s Day is this Sunday, why not break it down for you gentlemen out there. 😉

When I became single after being with someone for almost 25 years, admittedly, I forgot everything that God was teaching me about my own self-worth and love. I fell into some of the same old traps I had discovered 30 years ago – staying out late, bar hopping, and even things I don’t wish to share here (because that’s not the point).

I forgot HOW to date. I forgot that I am not supposed to be the pursuer, but rather the pursue-e. I forgot the all-important fact – if a man is interested in me, he is supposed to be the one pursuing me, not the other way around.

So, gentlemen, contrary to popular belief, courting is not dead. Just because women wish to have equality in many aspects in life, the one thing we recognize (or at least we strong, independent, mature women recognize) is that YOU need to prove to us that YOU are genuinely interested in us.

Here let me put in plain and simple –

If a woman says she is interested…I mean, actually tells you she’s interested, it’s then up to you to take the reins and run with it!

If a woman says she is interested, like literally says, “I look forward to spending time with you too,” or “I find you intriguing as well” or “Yes, I’d like to go out with you,” or anything remotely similar, that means she is interested. Not only does that mean she is interested, but now there are expectations. At that point, a woman expects you to plan a date (or 2 or 3 or…), communicate (yes, we do look forward to those “good morning” and “good night” texts. Keep them coming!), show us that you mean what you say, that you are interested too.

Look, I’m all for equal this or that. If you want to split the check sometimes, OK. If I want to treat you for a change, I will. All that is well and good and agreeable, BUT I still need you to prove that you want to spend quality time with me, that YOU want to date ME.

Translation – I am not chasing you.

I’m not the one courting YOU. That’s not how it works. Call it old fashioned, if you wish, but if I’ve told you, I’m interested, then I am! AND I have expectations. If you don’t meet them, if you stop calling, texting, showing your interest, I’m just going to assume – (1) you’re not mature enough to handle a real relationship anyway because you can’t communicate and (2) you’re not interested, which is fine but see #1 (you didn’t communicate). Ghosting is prohibited. Isn’t that what the young people say these days?

And that’s why I’m writing. Apparently, you gentlemen need to be reminded what it means to be a gentleman, what it means to court. I’ve had so many conversations with other women about this lately that I decided it was time to put it out there.

On the flipside, if a woman also tells you, literally tells you, she’s not interested, then she’s not. So, you can stop courting her now. At least that’s the way I see it for myself anyway. If I’ve told you I’m not interested in anything more than friendship, if I’ve shown in some way that I’m not remotely interested in anything other than that, please get the clue – I’m not. If a woman is genuinely interested, she’ll tell you. I promise, or at least I’ll tell you.

It’s amazing that even in 2021, we women need to remind men to be men. I mean, from the tale of time men were always the pursuers. Sure, this is the “modern age”, I suppose, but there are some traditional things that are still revered. Having a man pursue a woman is one of them, at least in my book.

And let me just add, the right, mature, strong, independent woman will enjoy the pursuit. They’ll want to get to know you, spend quality time with you, and actually see if you make sense for them just as you would want to see if she makes sense for you. That same woman will take her time to see the fit IF she’s interested. If not, that same woman will also tell you it’s not working and wish you well.

That’s the way it should be – men, pursue your women. Both of you take the time to get to know each other. See if it works and if it doesn’t, let it go.

God never meant for us to do life alone so it’s worth the effort to pursue and it’s worth the effort to take the time too. Either you’re meant for each other or you’re not, but gentlemen, the ball is really in your court.

Oh, and one more thing – as you pursue, play close attention to your lady (as she will you). If there is anything about her that doesn’t fit who you are, then politely and kindly communicate that it’s not working, move on, and really move on. Mixed messages aren’t welcome. Believe me, while it may hurt at the moment; it won’t last forever. We’d rather you communicate than not, at least we mature, strong, independent women would.

So, go forth, boys! Pursue your ladies! Make the effort. Prove you’re interested. Because THAT’S what we’re looking for.

Ladies, what do you think? Am I on the mark? Please leave a comment below! Would love to hear your thoughts. Perhaps together, we can inspire the men out there that courting and its counterpart, chivalry, is not dead.

Photo by Lisa Fotios from Pexels


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