Pepper Sullivan You Will Be Missed

This morning I did the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life – I…well, actually my husband and I…had to put our 18 1/2 yr old black feline, Pepper, to sleep…forever.

Oh my gosh. I am so heartbroken as I write this and I’m supposed to be working but I can’t. And you can think whatever the hell you want to think but right now, my brain isn’t functioning like a social media ninja, guru, maven, nerd, what have you. It’s thinking like a human. A human with feelings. A human who misses her little ball of fur deeply whose eyes are puffy from crying all morning, whose nose continues to run…also from crying all morning. Ugh.

People who don’t understand our deep love for our animals don’t get this and that’s fine. Whatever. Don’t continue reading. But, those of you that do get it, thank you for indulging me in my time of sorrow. I got to get this out there and the best way I know how is writing.

Pepper. Christmas 2011. She was so beautiful!

Pepper came to us in a shoebox one cold fall day when we were still living in Boston. We already had Blackie, her older though adopted sister for a few months. Mike…that’s my husband…was golfing one balmy fall morning and afternoon or afternoon only; I can’t remember.

Anyway, on the drive home he saw this cute little girl with a sign that said “FREE Kittens!” I said it was a cold day and being a cold day, Mike’s heart got the best of him. Pepper was amongst the little fur balls and according to Mike, she was the cat that came right to him.

“I’ll take that one!” he told the little girl.

When he returned home, he put the shoebox on the bed and said, “Look what I bought! New shoes! Come see!” I was like, “Yeah, whatever. Ok. Sure.” but then I opened up the box this tiny little furry peppery-coated living thing peeped her head out & looked up at me. “Oh crap,” I thought, “Another cat. Is this a good idea?” Well, when he told me the story, I agreed it was a good idea.

Pepper lived with us for a LONG time. She made her way from Boston to Florida (by plane), Florida to San Antonio, San Antonio to Houston, and Houston to where we reside just outside of Raleigh, NC now. She lived a GOOD life.

In the last 30-days or so we saw her weight drop dramatically. She began to walk gingerly and she came “out of hiding”. She used to love staying in the front hall closet all day long; it was her comfort zone. Recently, though she began to come out more and more during the day and with that came more lap visits too. Then, this morning when she went to get off of my lap, she jumped to the floor but couldn’t get up. She looked at me with those sweet little eyes as if to say, “Mommy, I need you to help me here.” I’m crying as I write this. Needless to say, I picked her up, placed her on the chair and promptly told my husband we needed to take her in. Something was clearly wrong.

Pepper had a significant size tumor in her belly. The tumor was eating away at her stomach and intestines (which explained the loss of appetite). It also explained the drops of blood I had picked up earlier that morning too. There was nothing they could do except prolong her life to keep us happy and we just couldn’t do that to her. We couldn’t be selfish. So, we decided it was time.

Oh my gosh. THE. HARDEST. THING. I’VE. EVER. DONE.

It’s not fair.

We love our animals as if they are our children. For those of us that don’t have any children, they are our kids. For those of us that have children, they’re an extension of the family.

I miss Pepper terribly. My heart aches. I cry uncontrollably right now. I know this to shall pass and it will but right now, I just need to let the tears out.

Have you ever had to make the difficult decision to put a beloved pet down? Do you feel me right now? I bet you do. And I thank you in advance for your cyberhugs of support. I need ’em. 🙂

I finish by saying…and as cliche as this is…don’t take ANYTHING or ANYone for granted. Hold onto those you love, including your pets. Tell ’em you love them all day long. Everything else comes second or third or fourth. Remember what’s most important in life – the people and pets you love. Just remember that.

Pepper Sullivan, you will be missed. Mommy loves you.

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Comments
4 Responses to “Pepper Sullivan You Will Be Missed”
  1. Deirdre, Hugh, Molly…thank you all for your understanding and kind words. 24 hours later and I’m still balling my eyes out. I miss her so much! Your thoughts are really appreciated. Thank you very much. 🙂

  2. deirdrereid says:

    Where’s the tissue? Oh, honey, that is such a sad and sweet story. I can’t even see what I’m typing. So so sorry.

  3. hughwpage says:

    From one cat lover to another I am SO SORRY! Had to do the same thing 4 yrs ago with out beloved Maine Coon cat, Madeline. 😦

  4. oh my goodness. biggest cyber hug to you ever. i am so sorry, love!

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