Being Tested

HarborTownSunset1

Harbor Town, Hilton Head SC. October 09.

The normally positive, cheery, upbeat smiling Lisa Sullivan has had a TOUGH time being all that this week…and I don’t like it one bit!

I am generally a positive person.  I have never made it a secret that it comes from my strong faith.  That is what gets me through each day – knowing that God has a plan for me, directs my path, and will reveal the next piece to my life’s puzzle in His time.  I trust in Him and I have never doubted otherwise… until this week.  Believe me, I know it’s the enemy talking. Not God.

But still, this week has been a very trying week for me.  The enemy has made his presence known and I have used every weapon I know to defeat him – prayer…LOTS of it, scripture, surrounding myself in His light through the power of Christian music, everything.  And I thank GOD that I can do that!

The week started with a kidnapping right in “my own backyard”, literally.  It scared the…pardon my french…CRAP out of me.  I lived in Boston’s North End for five years and never encountered such a close call.  I now live in suburbia and while I know it doesn’t matter where you hang your hat, I still can’t believe something so disheartening & terrifying could happen here.  Needless to say, it caused me to reflect on my blessings more than I ever have, to take additional precautions to ensure my safety (I now carry pepper spray with me.  I haven’t carried that in YEARS!), it caused me to lose focus on some of the things I wanted to accomplish this week, and it caused an anger and pain that I haven’t experienced since my vehicle was broken into in Houston, (which at the time was minor but still a violation of personal property).  That’s enough to get anyone angry and hurt and all those other feelings that pop up.  Thankfully, the woman kidnapped was found alive and unharmed but her whole ordeal has left a lasting impression on me.  That’s for sure.  Tested.

From there it went to spending a couple of days questioning myself for the steps I have taken to secure employment.  Up until now I had thought I was doing the right thing but for many reasons that I wish not to disclose here (I’ll keep those to myself), I question that perhaps I’m taking the wrong approach.  Let me explain.

I “own” a small business.  I emphasize “own” and “small” because I haven’t incorporated anything, nor do I have tons of clients.  Basically, in a nutshell, I provide freelance publicity work for people I believe in – my friend and unbelievable vocalist Rozlyn Sorrell and my friend and equally talented actor, Jason Gerhardt.  Somewhere along the way, I’ve also gotten some side jobs that provide a little extra income but nothing so substantial that it’s time to start cutting the unemployment benefits.

For the last seven months, I have been out in my area of the world – affectionately known as the Triangle of North Carolina consisting of Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill, and surrounding areas – networking like crazy, volunteering my services, all the while combing the online job listings (and subsequently sending my resume) looking for just the right opportunity for me.  So that prospective employers, people who “know people”, etc. can contact me for opportunities, I pass out a business card, one that has my VERY freelance business logo on it.  Perhaps I should get a card that just had my name & contact info on it?

The other side of this is that because the job market is so SLOOOOW, I have been contemplating actually going into business for myself, which brings up a whole slew of questions, concerns, fears, excitement, all wrapped into one.  When the week started I had an idea of what direction I’m heading in next but since then, conversations have taken place, thoughts have bombarded my head, prayers have been lifted, and now I’m once again at a crossroads leaving me feeling tested.

I know I am GOOD at what I do.  I know that I have skills and talents that will definitely benefit those I touch.  The question is do I continue trying to “touch” someone by obtaining full-time employment with them OR do I collaborate and partner with them on a contract basis?  Believe me, I’ve been praying about these very thoughts for the last seven months but even more so recently.

Top this whole week off with the fact that the unemployment rate is the highest it has ever been in this country since 1983, which while related to the whole finding work thing still kinda brings a feeling of not highs but lows.  It brings up the questions – “will it ever end?”  and more importantly, “will I ever get a job?” no matter what that job turns out to be.  I know the answers are “yes” and “yes”.  I know that.  Still, it leaves a feeling of discouragement.  Once again, tested.

When all is said and done, through all the tears, the prayers, the hugs, the good thoughts coming my way from friends, aquaintances, family, I know my Father in Heaven is watching over me.  I know that things will improve.  And I know that I am loved.  THAT in and of itself brings smiles to my face that erase those tears.  That doesn’t detract from the fact that I have been tested.  It only tells me that I am strong, determined, worthy, and I will be OK.

I feel like I’ve been Jesus this week only through that whole 40 days in the desert thing…you know the burning bush and all.  He came out of it OK.  I know I will too.  🙂

May God BLESS you through whatever it is you are being tested with.

I hope I made sense.

Smiles,

Lisa 🙂

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Comments
6 Responses to “Being Tested”
  1. Dan says:

    I was reading 1 Samuel 30 today and couldn’t help but focus on the way David handled the reality that Ziglag had been completely destroyed, everybody young and old had been taken including his wives.

    David and his men cried until they could not cry any more. In verse 6 it says that he “But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.”

    Then in verse 8 “So David inquired of the LORD”.

    The pressure that David was under with his men threatening to stone him and his family taken away. Yet …he found his strength in the Lord and sought his council

    I can’t help but think what David would have done if he sought the wisdom of man or took matters into his own hands.

    God will truly never give us more than we can handle. It is who you turn to when you can’t handle any more that matters. We serve a God whose Grace is limitless and unfathomable.

    Every day is a new day in the life of a Christian and every day should be a dedication to the will of God in our life on each particular day. I am learning this myself right now and what a blessing to leave “I” out of the equation.

    Seek His wisdom earnestly with purpose in your prayers. Our prayers in faith are far different and inferior to our faith in prayers.

    God bless you and may our gracious God lean over you and deposit his Spirit in all His fullness into you heart so that you may have absolute confidence and committment to His will being done in your life.

  2. anjanette121 says:

    Lisa,
    Even though you posted this a couple of weeks ago, it has touched me today and I am so grateful. I also believe God has a plan for me; the difficult part is to accept that it is on His time and not mine! Hope to chat tomorrow at TLWT, thanks for organizing.

  3. Meeri says:

    I really enjoyed reading this..I’ve been tested many times as well..As you probably know my life has never been the same since that “incident” what happened in Houston 9/25/03..It has truly brought me closer to God. I would have never believed if anyone told me so..but more than 6 yrs later (because of bias and lesbian judge, who hates foreigners..like me and my ex-husband’s lies)..I only still see my son on supervised circumstances..because supposedly I’m still a flight risk and could take Ray to Finland any moment. I mean the whole thing doesn’t make any sense anymore..The judge keeps raising the bar for me every time I see her..and believe me this has been going on 6 years..I mean I can go on forever explaining but feel ..I should just now to stick to the point..

    My peace and my whole well-being is because of God above.and God wants that..It’s not from a person you know, being married or having a great job…I guess HE allowes these circumstances in our lives to happen..that we would just trust Him 100% and more..and not the “money, security, etc”
    what the world gives us..

    I’m definetely more humble and more greatful for all the small things what happen to me daily..than ever before..It’s like taking baby steps and believe me Lisa..it’s all in God’s timing..and He has a purpose..for each and everyone 🙂
    I love you my cousin..
    I keep you in my prayers,
    Meeri

  4. lasullivan says:

    Thank you, my Friends! Each of your comments put a smile on my face. I appreciate the “pep talk”. You’re the BEST! 🙂

  5. Phil says:

    Lisa we all know you’re awesome, and that as soon as you find the right place and click in, people will say, “WTF? Why didn’t we hire her like 2 years ago?!?”

    Don’t doubt your path, you doing the right things, meeting the right people, connecting the right way. Sometimes it just takes longer that we can seemingly take it.

    You know you have a network of friends who is always here for you. If you need to vent, scream, cry or just lean on us, we all understand, because we’ve all been there.

    Keep your chin up grrl!

  6. Jessica says:

    We all get those weeks that make us question EVERYTHING! I know its tough for you right now but I thinking about you and sending you positive energy!

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