Harbor Town, Hilton Head SC. October 09.
The normally positive, cheery, upbeat smiling Lisa Sullivan has had a TOUGH time being all that this week…and I don’t like it one bit!
I am generally a positive person. I have never made it a secret that it comes from my strong faith. That is what gets me through each day – knowing that God has a plan for me, directs my path, and will reveal the next piece to my life’s puzzle in His time. I trust in Him and I have never doubted otherwise… until this week. Believe me, I know it’s the enemy talking. Not God.
But still, this week has been a very trying week for me. The enemy has made his presence known and I have used every weapon I know to defeat him – prayer…LOTS of it, scripture, surrounding myself in His light through the power of Christian music, everything. And I thank GOD that I can do that!
The week started with a kidnapping right in “my own backyard”, literally. It scared the…pardon my french…CRAP out of me. I lived in Boston’s North End for five years and never encountered such a close call. I now live in suburbia and while I know it doesn’t matter where you hang your hat, I still can’t believe something so disheartening & terrifying could happen here. Needless to say, it caused me to reflect on my blessings more than I ever have, to take additional precautions to ensure my safety (I now carry pepper spray with me. I haven’t carried that in YEARS!), it caused me to lose focus on some of the things I wanted to accomplish this week, and it caused an anger and pain that I haven’t experienced since my vehicle was broken into in Houston, (which at the time was minor but still a violation of personal property). That’s enough to get anyone angry and hurt and all those other feelings that pop up. Thankfully, the woman kidnapped was found alive and unharmed but her whole ordeal has left a lasting impression on me. That’s for sure. Tested.
From there it went to spending a couple of days questioning myself for the steps I have taken to secure employment. Up until now I had thought I was doing the right thing but for many reasons that I wish not to disclose here (I’ll keep those to myself), I question that perhaps I’m taking the wrong approach. Let me explain.
I “own” a small business. I emphasize “own” and “small” because I haven’t incorporated anything, nor do I have tons of clients. Basically, in a nutshell, I provide freelance publicity work for people I believe in – my friend and unbelievable vocalist Rozlyn Sorrell and my friend and equally talented actor, Jason Gerhardt. Somewhere along the way, I’ve also gotten some side jobs that provide a little extra income but nothing so substantial that it’s time to start cutting the unemployment benefits.
For the last seven months, I have been out in my area of the world – affectionately known as the Triangle of North Carolina consisting of Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill, and surrounding areas – networking like crazy, volunteering my services, all the while combing the online job listings (and subsequently sending my resume) looking for just the right opportunity for me. So that prospective employers, people who “know people”, etc. can contact me for opportunities, I pass out a business card, one that has my VERY freelance business logo on it. Perhaps I should get a card that just had my name & contact info on it?
The other side of this is that because the job market is so SLOOOOW, I have been contemplating actually going into business for myself, which brings up a whole slew of questions, concerns, fears, excitement, all wrapped into one. When the week started I had an idea of what direction I’m heading in next but since then, conversations have taken place, thoughts have bombarded my head, prayers have been lifted, and now I’m once again at a crossroads leaving me feeling tested.
I know I am GOOD at what I do. I know that I have skills and talents that will definitely benefit those I touch. The question is do I continue trying to “touch” someone by obtaining full-time employment with them OR do I collaborate and partner with them on a contract basis? Believe me, I’ve been praying about these very thoughts for the last seven months but even more so recently.
Top this whole week off with the fact that the unemployment rate is the highest it has ever been in this country since 1983, which while related to the whole finding work thing still kinda brings a feeling of not highs but lows. It brings up the questions – “will it ever end?” and more importantly, “will I ever get a job?” no matter what that job turns out to be. I know the answers are “yes” and “yes”. I know that. Still, it leaves a feeling of discouragement. Once again, tested.
When all is said and done, through all the tears, the prayers, the hugs, the good thoughts coming my way from friends, aquaintances, family, I know my Father in Heaven is watching over me. I know that things will improve. And I know that I am loved. THAT in and of itself brings smiles to my face that erase those tears. That doesn’t detract from the fact that I have been tested. It only tells me that I am strong, determined, worthy, and I will be OK.
I feel like I’ve been Jesus this week only through that whole 40 days in the desert thing…you know the burning bush and all. He came out of it OK. I know I will too.
May God BLESS you through whatever it is you are being tested with.
I hope I made sense.